Everything I touch turns to shit. The one thing I was so very proud of and thought I had done an admirable job was raise a beautiful and happy family. But God hates me and he has taken that from me as well. Well, I hate him back. If he is there. He has never been good to me. If he is not there, then I don't know what I could have done to deserve this. It's like the Universe saw one of the few father's who is doing a good job with his kids. The Universe said, "This can't be happening. Lets pick on him and totally fuck up his world." I was so proud of the young man Joel was growing into and becoming. He was admired by so many. Yet I don't think he knew it. He seemed to think he wasn't quite good enough at what ever he was trying to do. Weather it was fly fishing, forging metal, playing guitar or his flute, running. I thought he was gifted at what ever he set his hands on. He knew so much about everything and everything about so many things. He was a walking encyclopedia. I quit Googling and just asked Joel. We are not the happy family we once were. I'd give anything to have a time machine. To go back and make sure he didn't walk away that day. I'm sure the Universe has a good fucking for me in the afterlife as well.
